Setting Intentions for a Joy-Filled Life: Why It’s Never Too Late to Begin

Intentions Don’t Belong to January (They Belong to You)

There’s something about January 1st that makes many of us feel like we should be doing something meaningful. Becoming a new version of ourselves overnight. I’ve given up on resolutions. They feel so pressured and negative. And certainly there is nothing magical about a January start. Plenty of people find other dates during the year, like birthdays or the Spring Equinox, to create a reset. You can pause, reflect and reorient anytime.

For me, I tend to set intentions about 4 times a year. My husband likes setting SMART goals (specific, measurable, tightly defined). I prefer using expansive intentions that invite possibility rather than pressure.

Rather than telling life exactly how it must unfold (workout everyday!), intentions create a spacious orientation a way of listening for what wants to emerge. They allow you to stay responsive to change, growth, and seasons you couldn’t have predicted when you first set the intention. An intention like “I want to experience more joy” doesn’t dictate the form joy must take. It lets joy surprise you. This works for me because joy often arrives sideways, in unplanned moments, through people you didn’t expect, in versions of yourself you haven’t met yet.

How Our “State of the Union” Conversations Began

About five years ago, my husband and I started something we now call our State of the Union conversations. It unfolded as an accident. We didn’t come with an agenda, we just started sharing about how we were actually doing individually and together.

We began asking questions like:

• How are we showing up for ourselves?
• For our kids?
• For our work?
• For each other?

What started as an occasional check-in slowly became a ritual. The more often we had these conversations, the more we noticed each other in real time. We began reflecting back observations:

• “I see how much more patient you are.”
• “You’ve changed in this beautiful way.”
• “I notice how you’re carrying more and how strong you’ve been.”

Those reflections landed deeply and even after years together, we were still discovering parts of each other we hadn’t fully named. This process also allows each of us to grow and change as we enter different chapters of our lives.

Intention Is an Act of Intimacy

We often think of intentions as solitary a private promise we make to ourselves. But intentions can also be relational.

They can sound like:

• “I want to be more present with you.”
• “I want us to protect our time.”
• “I want to grow with you, not just beside you.”

Sustained intimacy doesn’t happen by accident. It requires investment  not just time, but attention. Curiosity. Willingness to witness change without clinging to old versions of each other.

When we don’t pause to reflect together, it’s easy to drift, to assume, to operate on outdated stories:

• “This is just how you are.”
• “This is how we’ve always done it.”
• “We don’t have time for conversations like that.”

We recently set an intention for how we want to show up in life together. We kept it simple – to be more playful. This is our compass to start the year. At the end of each week, we can simply ask ourselves, are we closer to how we want to feel? Choosing a lens refines your attention so your nervous system will start scanning for opportunities for playfulness so that it becomes more available.

What These Conversations Can Look Like (At Any Stage of Life)

There is no single “right” way to do this. Depending on your season, your capacity, and your life circumstances, this practice might look like:

• A long, lingering dinner conversation
• A quiet weekend getaway
• Several short check-ins before bed over the course of a week
• A walk without phones
• Notes exchanged if speaking feels hard

The form matters far less than the intention behind it. This is about creating a shared pause and a moment to say: “Let’s look at where we are, together.”

We are always changing and evolving. None of us are the same person we were a year ago and will be different a year from now. Honor that truth.

15 Questions to Get You Started

You don’t need to ask all of these at once. Let them unfold naturally. Let silence do some of the work.

1. What feels most alive for you right now?
2. What has felt heavy or draining lately?
3. How do you feel you’ve grown in the past year (or season)?
4. Where do you feel proud of yourself?
5. Where do you feel stretched thin?
6. What support do you need more of right now?
7. What do you miss about yourself, about us, about life?
8. How do you feel we’re showing up for each other lately?
9. Where do you feel deeply seen by me?
10. Where do you wish I understood you better?
11. What are you looking forward to?
12. What feels uncertain and what would help you feel steadier?
13. How do you experience love most clearly right now?
14. What intention feels meaningful for you in the coming months?
15. How can we protect our connection as life continues to change?

You can answer one question each night. Or circle back to the ones that linger.

The Unexpected Power of Being Reflected

One of the most surprising parts of these conversations has been how deeply we each receive words from one another. Even things we think we know, when spoken aloud, land differently.

There’s something profoundly regulating about being seen without being fixed. About having someone say:

• “I appreciate you.”
• “I see how hard you were working and I love how you are softening.”
• “I really feel loved when you XYZ”
• “I see how you’ve changed.”

Those reflections soften defenses, build trust and remind us that intimacy isn’t just about passion or proximity but also witnessing.

Why This Matters (Especially Over Time)

As relationships mature, it’s easy to prioritize logistics over reflection. Schedules replace curiosity and efficiency replaces intimacy. And there were certainly seasons in our lives when we were in survival mode trying to keep up with careers and kids.  But long-term connection needs attunement.

Intentional conversations:

• Prevent resentment from quietly accumulating
• Allow space for grief and celebration
• Normalize growth instead of fearing it
• Create safety for honest truth-telling

They say: “You matter enough for me to slow down.”

An Invitation (Any Day You Choose)

You don’t need January 1st. You don’t need the perfect setting. You don’t need to have the right words.

Whether you’re partnered, single, navigating change, or simply craving more connection let this be your permission slip to pause and ask:

“What brings me alive in this season of life?”

Intimacy, like intention, isn’t something you set once and forget. It’s something you return to again and again.